How to Stay in the Driver’s Seat of Your Life
Driving down the highway of life (Image courtesy of worldofmiri.com)
Using the power of choice
I have the ability to choose.
I make decisions every day, all the time, more than I can even count. Most of them are subconscious, or at least don’t mess with my mind a lot.
For example, “Do I need to use the toilet?”
I simply stop, take a break, and go to the bathroom. I do it out of necessity and I don’t ponder this decision back and forth very much. Unless it’s the middle of the night and I don’t want to leave the comfort of my cozy bed! Dragging this out usually ends with a lost hour of sleep due to the internal power battle comfort versus bursting. Funnily enough, the result is always the same. The urge not to burst wins.
Why do I feel choice is such an important issue?
There seems to be a lot more to it than bathroom power battles.
If who I am is the result of my actions and thoughts, the power of choice needs to be seen in a completely different light.
It might only take a second to make a choice, for example, moving to another country for a few months. Once there, I might fall in love with its beauty and the people and end up staying for years. A choice that seemed quick and simple at that moment, turns my life into a completely different direction. Only in hindsight do I notice the impact of the moment when I chose.
I might choose to have chocolate instead of an apple. Every day. Looking at this from the perspective of a single day makes this a small decision. Accumulated, this will strongly influence how I show up in this world.
What have you achieved in the last hour?
I might choose to engage with social media and watch a small, little, cute cat video, oh, and this one next, and before I know it, an hour has passed. What have I created in this hour? What effect has it had on me?
An hour of my time = energy = power = creativity.
It has been lost in nothingness.
In this hour, I handed over the rein of my life to an external factor. If I walk through my day following the pull of everything around me, I create “powerlessness”. I’m like a puppet on a string. Who is the puppeteer here?
Maybe social media only survives because we give it so much attention? Maybe it only survives because we collectively (and likely unconsciously) choose to give our power away? I imagine this like a power cord running from me to:
The computer
My phone
The chocolate box
The news
My number of followers…
… Whatever it is I obsess with
Who is the puppeteer over your life?
But I have the power of choice.
The moment I consciously choose to place my time, energy or power somewhere else, I cut the strings and direct my life in the direction I want.
I have worked hard to get back the power in my life in so many ways.
I consciously choose what food and drink I put into my body. This, after all, is my fuel. It should be great for me and of the highest quality. I wouldn’t feed my car with horse wee either, knowing fully well it would destroy the engine.
I consciously choose the extent to which I engage in certain topics, or choose not to engage with them at all. For example, I can choose to meticulously follow the up-dates of an election and get lost in the maze of information for days, or I can opt for the key milestone updates without letting any hooks attach to me. This feels healthier and I know I’m not losing any power through this process.
I consciously choose to take my healing into my own hands. I find the practitioners who feel right for me. I actively choose if a treatment feels good for me or not. I don’t expect the practitioner to fix me. Instead, I take responsibility for creating my health.
Carolyn Myss says in “Anatomy of the Spirit” (p. 47, published by Bantam Books):
“Healing and curing are not the same thing. A “cure” occurs when one has successfully controlled or abated the physical progression of an illness. …The process of curing is passive, that is, the patient is inclined to give his or her authority over to the physician and prescribed treatment instead of actively challenging the illness and reclaiming health. Healing, on the other hand, is an active and internal process that includes investigating one’s attitude, memories and beliefs with the desire to release all negative patterns that prevent ones’ full emotional and spiritual recovery. “
Still, there are areas where I haven’t yet claimed my power of choice. I still fall into the hook of “needing to have a certain number of followers” as proof that my writing is good. Where is this attachment coming from? Why can’t I simply choose to like my writing the way it is? Why can’t I see the value in my voice and in my expression? Why do I need external validation?
Driving down the highway of experience
I compare the power of choice to driving a car. The road I’m driving down is the road of my life. I’ve spent most of my life in the back seat of the car, anxiously staring out of the window wondering where this road was going, desperately hoping for the car to turn left when it veers right, not understanding why the car breaks down so many times or why it is going too fast or too slowly.
Choosing means moving into the driver’s seat and makes all the difference. Now, I am the one steering. I am the one choosing the road. Every single second of the ride.
I admit this can be overwhelming. Sometimes, I find myself curled up on the back seat again, wondering how I even got there. In these moments, I need to muster all my courage to climb back into the front and take the wheel into my own hands.
During the course of my life, other people have driven my car, but not only that:
My weight and the number on the scale drove my car for a long time
The need to score A’s in everything I do is often in the driver’s seat
Social media and the opinion of friends steer my car a lot
I handed the wheel over to people who seemed to know more than I did or held a certain authority (even when they did neither)
Actively choosing is about shifting from a passive life to an active one.
This isn’t about controlling my outer environment. I can only work on myself, after all.
This is about consciously choosing me and my heart space more often.
This is about being able to say no.
This is about being able to say yes.
This is about being authentic, true, loving, and kind.
This about the core of my being, about alignment with what feels good for me, what feeds and nurtures me.
This is about finding inner peace.
