How Should I Carry My Ancestral Guilt and Trauma?

Trauma continues through the generations. (Image courtesy of worldofmiri.com)

And is it worse for me because I’m German?

I am German.

I was born and raised in Germany. I have a German passport. I was raised with German traditions, culture, and stories.

I never gave it much thought.

I never considered the role Germans hold on the world stage.

The fear they invoke.

The blame cast.

The history they carry.

I remember when I heard of the holocaust for the first time. I was in primary school. The teacher spoke about the atrocities.

I felt sick in my stomach.

I did not believe it.

I did not want to believe it.

Surely, no one could be as cruel. No human being could do anything like this. I walked home, legs shaking.

I confronted my mother.

It was true.

My whole world tilted.

There is no question about the atrocities committed by German people. They are terrible, shocking, and not human. I do not want to debate this part. I do not want to find excuses or sugar coat.

What I do want to look at is humanity.

What does humanity mean to me?

What does it mean for you?

What does it mean to be a human being?

After all, are we not all human beings? Is this not the common ground we all share?

I do not necessarily identify as a German, or as Australian as a matter of fact, though I have dual citizenship. I identify with being human. I am an inhabitant of planet Earth with its splendid beauty, its glorious nature, the animal wonders, with all its pain and fear. With all my other fellow human beings.

I never thought much about being German. Yes, it is a part of me. It’s my background. It’s a filter of how I perceive this world. It is how I understand humor. It links me with other people from the same culture. We speak the same language, not only the actual German but also in sharing who we are. This gives me security in a foreign place. It gives me a feeling of my childhood fun and safety. It gives me a special kind of connection. I cherish that.

But there is more to this.

I notice Germans have a reputation.

“Germans are disciplined, organized, controlled, rather harsh, always on time. They lack humor. They are the ones who keep the drill.”

I observe quietly.

So much of this rings true. I was raised in a disciplined family, with structure and a focus on achievement. We didn’t share emotions easily.

Is this me?

Or is this the heritage part of my personality?

Through my healing journey over the last few years, I now understand the importance of our heritage on our behavior. I cannot run from it.

My grandparents left everything behind at the end of WWII. They fled from what is today Poland to Western Germany. My dad’s mum had a toddler (my dad) and a baby boy who did not make it. I imagine my grandmother, a young woman in her twenties, filled with the horrors of the war, having to run with two little children, not knowing where to go, leaving everything behind, coming to a place where equally nothing was left, having to beg other survivors for help.

This was traumatizing. For anyone.

The pain resulting from these wars cannot be measured.

I believe it is not up to me to judge what was going on. I wasn’t there. What I know is how distressing these experiences were for my ancestors.

I also don’t think it helps to finger point.

If we want to heal, we need to acknowledge the trauma in everyone. With this I mean every country ever involved in war.

Trauma stays with people unless it gets dealt with appropriately. I cannot imagine there were enough psychologists and trauma specialists around to help the German people deal with the guilt, the blame, the horrors, the pain, the fear, all while facing a post-war landscape filled with destruction, lack of food and medical care. Lack of the basics. I don’t think anyone felt safe. I wouldn’t have felt safe.

This would be true for everyone involved.

Scientific evidence is emerging that trauma can get passed down through generations.

On Psycom.net (March 31, 2020), Karina Margit Erdelyi says about the stress caused by COVID:

We are living in strange times, with much of the world under quarantine for the novel coronavirus—and that’s precisely the kind of stress that may impact future offspring according to some scientists. A growing body of research suggests that trauma (like from extreme stress or starvation among many other things) can be passed from one generation to the next.

https://www.psycom.net/epigenetics-trauma

Does this mean much of the war trauma is still with the German people today?

I left Germany more than ten years ago. I have looked at this country from the outside for years. I imagine seeing the guilt pushing people down. It seems to weigh on their souls.

What if the so-called ‘German traits’ were coping mechanisms to help people deal with their unresolved trauma? What if they stemmed from having to be disciplined, invisible, inconspicuous, self-reliant; all with the goal to survive?

Still, there is hope. I believe the healing has started. I have done work on this and will continue to do so.

With every single person willing to heal, we move one step forward.

For this, it is necessary to be honest with ourselves and each other.

I love family constellation workshops as a way of healing. Maybe it’s no coincidence this form of therapy was invented in Germany.

Family constellations is a therapeutic approach designed to help reveal the hidden dynamics in a family or relationship in order to address any stressors impacting these relationships and heal them.

https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/family-constellations

Every country on this planet has its own burden to carry. Countless wars, famines, genocides, and prosecutions have occurred and are still occurring.

What if we looked at each other through the eyes of humanity?

What if we forgave each other and ourselves?

What if we stopped blaming and opted for love?

For the sake of healing and moving forward.

For the sake of building a more humane way of life, everywhere on this beautiful planet.